A bad listener

literally.

I am so bad at listening. Kalau aku dengar bunyi ketukan dinding ke, and someone ask me where the sounds came from, 98% of the time i got it wrong. Only if i am familiar with the place baru aku boleh teka bunyi tu datang dari mana. Tu pun kenkadang silap kalau di rumah. If i was ever asked to testify in court, bunyi tu datang dari mana, i would reject to be called in as witness kalau on this point. Awful at it

but besides that, aku am a bad listener. if people tell me their stories, i have trouble responding to it. aku tak sure if that itself is enough to label myself as a bad listener but i think i am. I don't think i am able to give people the respond they wanted and i do feel bad about it. This is probably one of the few complexes i have with myself. i dont have a lot but this is definitely one of it. 

Aku harap my friends, especially, dont think that i am uninterested or i am too lazy to respond properly or that they bore me. No that is never the case. i loveeeee it if people who are close to me tell me about themself, what they are thinking about, and all. I appreciate it so so much as i treasure honesty, transparency, and trust above anything else in friendship. But i am just bad at it. i dont know how to respond then the average respond.

I think this goes back to my high school year, during those times, i realize that the best way for you to know a person is not to trust what they say but try to observe them and tengok orang punya subconscious pergerakan and respond. Aku sedar yang ni is a much better and easier way for you to know a person and know whom you can trust. That is also why i think i am very good  at observing people punya respond and understand what they are actually trying to say. Sometimes i ignore this cues because prolly they don't want people to know what they are really feeling so we have to respect that. But if you're my friends, i try my best to help in a way yang tak obvious. 

tapi as i grow older and people have more complex life problem, i realize i cannot be like this. I have to try and respond to people and make it sound sincere and not just some auto generated message. I am definitely lacking in this and sebab tu aku tak pernah kesah kalau kawan aku tak nak cerita something dekat aku sebab i know i won't be able to respond properly pun. As long as they share it with someone else and not bottle it to them self i am already happy. 

to be fair, aku pun tak express my feelings to other people. Sure on random days i would express my obsession to certain artist or i would say i say i hate certain person but usually those information honestly tak matters as much to me pun. I hide my feelings inside and i don't tell anyone at all. This is also an infp thing there we tend to think no one would understand us even if we tell anyone. lol dramatic betul traits ni.

Tapi jangan ah lepas ni kengkawan aku semua tak nak share dengan aku biar aku keseorangan sensorang. Joke pun tak nak share kedai makan pun tak nak share bek tak yah kawan HAAHAHAHAHA.