Kahwin

Salam february salam perkenalan, 

kemain kan salam aku. Aku tulis ni nak cerita lah pengalaman having the first marriage in the family and how i deal to accept the marriage and the inclusion of another person in my family. 

1) The Nikah 

During the preparation for my sister wedding, I didn't feel anything. I have in mind that wedding is a big thing and it will be more than just a union of 2 person, tapi I somehow don't comprehend it as much. Not until When the ustaz dah start pegang the mic and ask who is the saksi and actually preparing to start the akad process

Aku di belakang distracting myself and looking weird hahaha

Waktu tu it hits me real hard and obviously without a doubt, aku nagis. Aku nagis by myself. Aku tak sure korang pernah tak experience this type of menangis yang korang physically nampak mcm tak nagis sangat pun tapi korang pendam nagis tu sampai macam your heart hurts tau. Dia macam sakit sebab kau pendam kot although ade lah keluar sikit sikit tapi i don't think people around me notice it??

I avoid eye contact with Kakak or even looking at her  because i don't want her to know that im sad on her happiest day tapi you just cannot ignore the feelings because you know things will never be the same again. Terdetik lah perasaan aku macam should i make a scene and ask her to run now and ask everyone in my family to reconsider things???

which I obviously did not do. sebab aku a sane human being 

So aku pura pura nak pergi check caterer lahh, nak tengok goodies lah. I was moving around because if I stayed at one place confirm I cry and people around would think i am a crazy jealous sister who doesn't want her sister to get married.  To be honest even when I am typing this aku menangis lagi because of recollection of the memory and feelings i guess. 

I stopped crying when the akad is over and aku pun pretend I wasn't affected at all and terus teman kakak tangkap gambar, sembang with cousin  and all just like a normal person.

If you have siblings, especially if your sister is the one who is getting married, I am pretty sure you would feel the same way as I do. It is not about the man that you're sister is getting married to, it is just about you and your siblings . I guess it is something that sisters share. I never talk about this with Najwa sebab aku takut dia sedar je yang aku nagis sebenarnya haritu so aku tak leh nak acah cool dah depan dia. 

#gottamaintaincool #Thecoolsister #Me